White and Black males-Can They be Friends?

This topic is more narrowly focused than the larger topic of "male on male friendships" in general. I'm asking a question for a targeted group "black and white males." Another post will explore the larger issue of male to male friendships, and gay to straight males and their viability within our culture. Note: Because the issue is applicable to both sites, this post can also be found at www.theconflictedmale.com


When I first approached this topic, I began by going on a hunt for research relating specifically to "Black and White Males-Can they be Friends? I soon found all kinds of variations on this topic, many of them sexual, but none dealing specifically with the question.

Many off shots of the term did generalize about connections between white and black males such as articles by varied authors and a book by Dr. Keith Boykin dealing with "black men on the "down low", the movie, "White men Can't Jump", the "National Association of White and Black Men Together" and all kinds of derivations, relating to their co-existence together. None of it answered the question, "Black and White Males-Can They be Friends".

Some of it went into cultural differences, the sources of conflict between white and black males and various assundry viewpoints and analysis on specific differences, perceived or real. None of my research brought up the exact connection I was looking for. It may be out there, but I couldn't find any non-sexual content that delved into the topic. Perhaps its not racy enough. Perhaps my combination of keywords and phrases was insufficient to carry the topic. Maybe the topic is too complex to be narrowed down to specifics.

With that in mind, I'll give you my opinion. Black and White males can be friends if both are willing to throw aside cultural differences and greet each other in the raw. So what does this mean? It means simply that there is no magic to black and white males having meaningful and lasting friendships. As a larger extinction on this topic, it would follow that black and white males have the capacity to show affection toward each other.

Being bi-racial, this issue seems trivial to me, but even today, I witness limited relations between white and black males, save those in which both groups are forced by circumstance to co-exist in a work, educational or social setting; however, living close to a university community, I do see a higher degree of camaraderie between black and white males than exist in the larger demographics of the populace.

In order for white and black males to form lasting bonds and become true friends, both, must work against a history of mistrust which is the framework of separation between the races, in general. Together, they have to embrace commonalities which exist within the gender and not differences which exist in the larger scheme of racial polarity.

If I estimate your value as my friend based solely upon your race, and the inherent baggage from either side, then I'm drawing from a history replete with distrust on both sides. That said, it becomes impossible to move beyond that point if I'm unwilling to see you in a different light. When I begin to see you as a friend and not a white or black friend, simply a friend, then the whole situation changes. Hope exist in that moment and the bonds of friendship are no longer as remote.

This may appear to be a simple generalization in the larger scheme of race relations, between white and black males, but I don't find it that complex. As with any topic, it's possible to break it down into so many academic variables that the simple response seems trite, but the answer doesn't require rocket science. It's simply a question posed to get all of us to think about it. Some questions do have fairly simple answers. I believe this is one of them.